Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Youngin'

Prior to my Match experience I decided to find out what all the hub bub was about concerning the personals on Craigs List. My friend, Dora, had successfully met her current boyfriend this way and was thrilled (at the time) with the results. She assured me there were sane people out there if you were diligent enough to sift through the postings.  So, thus it began. Although Dora was "lucky" to find her current flame on her first attempt I found no luck.  I made my post pretty generic with the essential elements of age, height, weight, and personal interests.  I also had a short list of what I was looking for which included: 37-45, HWP (height, weight porportionate), employed, and single.  I also added that I was interested in finding someone with older children who could commiserate the experiences that us parents go through with teenaged children.
I can say that I received about twenty emails of which some included people either way older or younger than my specified age requirement, men who were married, and even a few women who assured me swinging the other direction could be "fun!" Bud fit only three of my categories (should have known then) and that included single (or divorced) and employed. He was 32, HWP, and employed. He was a simple country boy which I can admire. He was a mechanic and was 6'4, approximately 200 lbs. He also sported a goatee which I have a personal weakness for in the opposite sex. 
We emailed for approximately three or four days and exchanged pictures to make sure there was an initial attraction. We then progressed to the next phase of exchanging phone numbers for texting purposes. I didn't even mind the multitude of misspelled words because it added to his country boy persona.  After a week and a half we decided to meet at a local beer joint half way between our homes. The meeting lasted about one hour and I was pleasantly surprised at how sweet he came across as being.  I will be honest and say that the age difference was the biggest issue I had concerning Bud.  I kept thinking to myself, will we have similar interests? His one child was only ten, would he be able to share in ny tales of raising my own children thus making conversation easy? At first, it seemed to be no problem.
We met a total of six times. Once more at the little bar and then after a day of Christmas shopping together, he invited me to his house to hang out.  Bud lived a simple life but owned an extensive CD collection of movies (some of which I gathered were illegally downloaded, ugh).  The first movie session was fine, we watched a movie I had never heard of...which I now know why.  I nearly fell asleep. As he walked me to my car, he gave me a brief hug and that was the night.  The next meeting was once again at his house for a movie night. This time, he invited me to sit next to him on his couch.  We watched Pirates of the Caribbean (love Johnny Depp) and with fifteen minutes left in the movie he made a move to hold my hand.  I will be up front and say that being older, I would not have been opposed to a little hand holding even during our Christmas shopping trip. However, I chalked it up to him being shy and contained myself :)  During this movie session, with half an hour left in the movie, he held my hand again. As the night ended, I didn't even get a hug. So I am thinkig, "umm, maybe he's not interested in you THAT way Claire." However, the texts kept coming and the communication kept up. Bud was a smoker who was trying to quit. I think he smoked at work and was afraid to breathe on me in fear of putting me off. I told him that I didn't mind it, but thought his reluctance for a kiss might be his own desire to not ruin the special moment when it came.
During the Christmas holidays, he visited quite a bit with his fanily. Which I am all for family! However, on his weekends with his family he wouldn't text. I found that somewhat strange. I mean, it was all new, and if this was just the beginning stage, wouldn't he want to keep up what we had going?  Just a "hi, how are things going" type of text. But no, three days would go by and nada.  The last night we had a movie night he held my hand for approximately an hour through the movie. I was telling my Lunch Bunch girls my concern over not even scoring a kiss. Their response? Go cougar!! I didn't want to frighten the poor kid.  He had been divorced for a year and I was assuming (due to his reluctance at intimacy) that maybe this was his first attempt at a relationship since it was final. 
We had agreed to go out a seventh time, for New Year's but he texted at the last moment and said a "buddy" was in town and they were having an "all guy get together" at a friend's house. Which meant sitting around a fire, drinking beer and reminiscing.  Well, I guess my pride got in the way on that one. I told him to have fun but I thought the age difference was too much. I was thinking to myself, "I'm nearly forty and this is my prime!" If by six dates I haven't had a kiss how long would it take to get anything else going? Plus it was NYE!!  So, that was that. No after break up texts of explanation, which I thought was cool (because I tend to avoid drama). 
I'm not sure if the slow progress was due to his embarassment of smoking or that younger people are more hesitant about becoming intimate with new relationships.  I mean, I didn't want to die waiting. 
On to the next experience, thanks Bud!

1 comment:

  1. Dear 39 and Holding,

    My name is Bill Hawthorne and I am a political blogger. Just had a question about your blog and couldn’t find an email—please get back to me as soon as you can (barbaraobrien(at)